12 Lessons Learned Through Grief

 

If I could write a letter to me 12 years ago... 

 

Dear (2013) Courtney,

God's got this. As the days and years have passed dad hasn't come back, it still feels like a dream. He did appear to me in a dream, just once, and it was hard to wake up. Twelve years later I still remind myself his passing is reality and he's not coming back.

 

I remember lots of things from July 28, 2013, but mostly the days to follow.

The family flying in

The friends filling our home

Food covering our counters, fridge, and freezer 

My best friend sleeping on my bedroom floor

Co-workers and friends holding our hands, taking care of us when we needed it most

Flowers & plants filling our living room

The calls and texts

The prayers

The tears

 

But what's most important is the unexplainable peace. It's something I can't explain but I know who gifted it to me. Philippians 4:7 mentions "peace of God" that "surpasses all understanding". It can't be explained, only felt. I had anxiety, I had trauma, but I felt peace.

 

Losing a parent young (and working in oncology) has changed my perspective on life, people, and parenting.

 

In honor of 12 years without dad, here are 12 lessons I've learned.

1. You never know the last time you'll be able to run into a room and give your dad a kiss on the cheek, show love every chance you get.
2. You never know the last time you'll get to send an "I love you text".
3. You never know if a conversation you have with someone could be your last, so end on a high note.
4. You never know the last chance you'll get to share Christ with someone so be a walking talking testimony to his unexplainable grace.
5. You never know the trauma, hurt or pain someone else may be experiencing so live in love and grace.
6. In your anger, re-read your texts over and over before you hit send.
7. Forgive and forget as quick as you can, even without an apology because God tells us to put others before ourselves.
8. If you've hurt someone, even unintentionally, do everything you can to make it right. "If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18)
9. Think before you speak because some people can't forget.
10. Pray for empathy because one day you'll need it.
11. Build community because they'll show up.
12. God puts you through things so you can help others, be open to His call.

 

So Courtney, know this, you'll be ok. God uses all things (if you let him). The plan he mentions in Jeremiah 29:11, it's the real deal.

 

For anyone experiencing grief from losing a parent, take your time, it'll get better. You'll feel normal again, it'll just be a new normal.